Late last night I sat down on my bed with a pen and paper, soft music playing in the background, and let my mind wander.
I reflected on the past year, much like I did in my previous blog post- identifying the problems I encountered, and highlighting the good parts. I then proceeded to write it all down. I wrote down the good parts, the bad parts, the parts I’d been repressing, the parts I’d been reliving. Once I was done, I also wrote down what I hoped for in 2015- what I wanted out of the year, out of myself, and what my wishes were for the coming months.
Once I was done writing this letter to myself, I closed the book. I plan on ripping those pages out without looking at them again, sealing them in an envelope and putting it away, not to be looked at again until January 2016, at which point I will repeat this process, but instead looking back on 2015.
I got this idea from my boyfriend’s mother, who writes this letter to herself every year, evaluating her year and planning for the next.
I found it very therapeutic to do this- to write down, by hand, thoughts that I know I won’t read again for a year. It will be interesting to read this letter in a year and see how my hopes panned out- to reflect and see what changed, what didn’t, what I achieved and what I failed in.
This is a practice that I would like to turn into tradition. Something I now do every year in early January, when the Christmas decorations have been boxed away and the last of the chocolate has been consumed.
One thing I wrote a few times in this letter, which I don’t mind sharing here, as I think I’d rather be reminded of this more regularly than just once a year- is that my biggest hope for 2015 is to be happy. I’m guilty of being one of those people who can tend to rely on others for my own contentedness. I’d like to learn to be happy in myself, without the outside influence of others. I’d like to be able to love myself, to trust myself and to be at peace with who I am as a person.
In order to do that, one of the biggest challenges this year for me, will be to identify what makes me tick- to work out what I want out of life, and to start working towards becoming the person I want to be.
I don’t think life is about finding yourself, I think it’s more about creating yourself. And I think I need to start doing that.
So, 2014 is concluded with the sealing of an envelope, and 2015 is started on a blank page. Time to doodle.
Fuck you, 2014. Rock on, 2015.
Thoughts, musings, and ramblings... 