Summer of Love…

 

If Love was a currency, I’d be the richest man on Earth.

My boyfriend just came out with that. ❤

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The Future’s Bright…

Today I was reflecting on the past year of this little adventure known as “my life”. I was thinking back to this same day, a year ago.
Where was I then? Or rather, who was I then? Well…

By the beginning of June 2011, I was at the start of the end of the worst relationship of my life. You’d have thought I’d have been ecstatic? No. The opposite. As far opposite as you can be from ecstatic, was me. As far as I was concerned, this was the end, not of the two year long hell worthy prison with the tag “boyfriend”, but of life itself.
This guy was everything to me. Poor, pitiful me. He had broken my heart countless times; hell he’d even blown his nose on it and stamped it into the ground for good measure, and yet I couldn’t help but love him.
So there I was, heart broken yet again, unable to see any way out of my self-pitying, endless torment, acting like I was the only person on the face of the entire Earth to experience such pain.

Of course, I wasn’t. Countless people have been through this- the break up you never wanted to happen, watching the other person move on without so much as a glance backward. While all you’re doing in the way of “coping” is looking through old photos, thinking nostalgically of “well… there were SOME good times?”, torturing yourself over social networking activity and trying desperately not to text/call/email. And drinking. A lot.

The self pity stopped after a few weeks and I eventually got on with my life.
This is the point where we start reflecting: If you had told me then, that in just a year’s time, I’d have a year of University under my belt, a tonne of new friends, a new relationship (and the best relationship I could ever ask for, I might add) and a life that actually feels like I’m living it, rather than just watching it pass by? I’d have never believed you. And yet here I am. Typing this. Reflecting on how much I’ve grown since then; grown up out of teenage-hood and into adulthood, and grown overall as a person.

Turns out, I could survive it. And I could even bring myself to trust someone else again, and love them even more than I’d loved previously. I could survive being a student and I could survive moving to the other end of the country, where I knew no one, completely independently.

With this growth, I’m safe with the knowledge of one certainty; if I can survive those things, how hard can the rest be?

A year ago I thought my life had come to an end. Now I know that my life is just beginning. The future’s bright, if you only open your eyes wide enough to see through the tears of the present.

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Love.

Warning: I get soppy. It’s not what I’m normally inclined to do. But sometimes, it’s just needed. (:

I’ve been reflecting lately, on my past relationships compared to my current one. And it’s made me feel exceptionally lucky to have Dom.

Before, in every relationship I’ve been in, without exception, I’ve had trust issues, derived from my childhood, and my issue with getting attached to people- I tend to keep people at arm’s length. My experiences told me that if I let someone get too close, then I would be let down. So I didn’t let anyone get close enough to. The ones I did, it ended badly.

However, then I fell in love with my best friend. It wasn’t planned, I didn’t necessarily want it to happen, or ever thought it would. I didn’t realise I was feeling so strongly for him until we revealed our feelings for one another- and it suddenly hit me. It scared the shit out of me. I wanted to run. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, and I didn’t want to lose him, and I didn’t want to get hurt again.

When I decided to go ahead with the relationship, I was taking a huge leap of faith, and a massive risk. But I am so glad I did it. We’ve been together now for almost three months, and it’s the happiest I’ve ever been. It just keeps getting better and better, and we have such a natural, easy relationship. We just click. We work. We understand each other perfectly, so we don’t ever feel the need to question anything about our relationship. It’s amazing.

The other night, he said something to me that I think will stay with me forever. I was recalling the way I used to feel when I was with my ex, who treated me appallingly, and completely used me. I said I was really glad I was out of that relationship, and that I was now with someone who was amazing. He said “I would lay down my life for you.”
That really, really touched me. And I can honestly say, I would for him.

Loving someone, is giving them the power to destroy you… but trusting them not to.
I think I’ve placed my trust in the right person for once.

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

❤

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